Sit Down, Shut Up Episode Guide, Season 1 - Pazsaz Entertainment Network

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Pilot
Knob Haven High School is in financial trouble, and Acting Principal Sue Sezno must win the upcoming football game to gain alumni donations or face firing a faculty member. Meanwhiile, a scandal erupts when pills confiscated from a student's locker becomes a part of Vice Principal Stuart Proszakian's daily diet.

Miracle's Are Real
To celebrate the first day of spring, Miracle distributes flowers (at least she thinks so) to the staff. The flowers turn out to be hemlock, and Andrew winds up in a coma. Larry's pragmatism causes Miracle to lose her hippy-dippy spirituality. As a result, Miracle becomes despondent, and it's up to Larry to help her regain her faith. Meanwhile, Helen's grudge against Sue puts the school's spring fundraiser in jeopardy.

World's Greatest Teacher
When Knob Haven High has a chance to become a "Distinguished School," Larry volunteers to give a speech to the school board but is replaced after an impressive video of Ennis surfaces online. Meanwhile, Willard volunteers to teach Driver's Ed in hopes of overcoming his fear of driving.

Back In Time
In an effort to impress the PTA, the faculty and staff of Knob Haven High School throw a party at Huey Lewis' house. In true John Hughes fashion, the teachers decide to shake it up: Larry tries to get Miracle's attention with his "interesting" date, Helen attempts to reinvent herself, Andrew finds his true identity and Willard goes on a booze run in a DeLorean that takes him across town and the time-space continuum in this homage to the 80s.

High School Confidential
Stuart is named editor of the student newspaper and tries to boost sales by printing salacious stories. When he uncovers some information on Miracle that gets her fired, she and Larry go on the lam. Meanwhile, Sue attempts to hide her own juicy story.

Taming Of The Dude
When Ennis offers to school the staff on dating and relationship issues, Larry objects to his methods. Through a strange turn of events, he ends up meeting a mysterious lady from Ennis' past. Meanwhile, Miracle reveals a potentially deadly secret to Sue.

Hurricane Willard
When a tropical storm threatens the town of Knob Haven, the high school gym is turned into an emergency shelter. Willard is left in charge of the school, which results in complete chaos as wild animals are let loose and Sue is knocked unconscious. When Miracle's baby goes missing, Willard steps up to the plate and comes to her rescue.

Mr. Hofftard Goes To Washington
On a field trip to the nation's capital, Sue Sezno ditches the teachers in order to testify in a Senate hearing. In an effort to prevent her from going on record stating Knob Haven High School is the worst school in the country, the staff splits up and races to stop her. Meanwhile, Ennis's journey becomes personal when he decides to prove his bravery.

Tackin'
When Larry hears from the Deep South Council of Physical Fitness, he attempts to remove all the junk food from the school to help the kids get fit. Willard convinces Larry to give him all the junk food, and as a result, suffers an unfortunate heart attack. When he awakens, he shares his amazing journey and causes an unexpected frenzy.

Helen And Sue's High School Reunion
When Larry plans Knob Haven High School's reunion, he persuades Alanis Morissette to attend so that Helen and Sue's all-girl band, the Knob Girlzz, can reunite for a special performance. Meanwhile, Andrew plots revenge against Jose Canseco, Larry seeks his long lost mermaid love and Ennis tries to stop Happy from planning what he thinks is a terrorist attack.

Math Lab
Stuart misunderstands his part in Knob Haven High's anti-drug campaign and builds a meth lab instead of a math lab. Meanwhile, Larry takes the school's affiliation with a pharmaceutical company a little too seriously.

SpEd
When Ennis proctors the standardized test for the gifted students, he accidentally convinces Happy to dump a trailer full of kids into the harbor and forces the temporarily blinded Larry to come to the rescue. Meanwhile, Willard tries to protect Stuart from getting scammed.

High School Musical Musical
When Sue gives Andrew an ultimatum to turn around the drama department, he writes his magnum opus: a musical starring the teachers with Miracle as the female lead. Jealous of Andrew's casting, Helen resolves to sabotage the play. Meanwhile, Sue discovers that Ennis is smartest when he is intoxicated.